I was recently asked about how to respond to thoughtless comments from strangers regarding family size. This conversation got me thinking about how we as Christians should be especially careful about what we say. Ephesians 4:29 says,
Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those that hear.
Scripture tells us time and again the power of our words. According to the Bible the tongue can be a scourge, a fire, deceitful, a flatterer. We hold immense power for evil and destruction in our words. On the other hand we also hold great potential for good. It is through words that God converts the lost, convicts the guilty and encourages the repentant. Our words can encourage and uphold our brothers and sisters in Christ or they can devastate them. I’m sure that we’ve all had a time when we’ve experienced both of these scenarios, when the words of others have brought encouragement, healing and peace and when they have brought disappointment, sadness and fear. Our words can bring tremendous good or tremendous harm to our fellow men.
There are two positive examples that I’d like to share. Both are examples of how God used words to change hearts and minds and in both cases the speaker did not set out to do so.
The first is a conversation that I will probably remember for as long as I live. Mark and I were engaged and a godly pastor and father of eight children was finishing up our pre-marital counseling with us. We had stood up and were walking to the door when he said something that has effected the rest of our lives. His comment was a bit off hand and went something like this, “Oh, there is one more thing that I want to mention. I think that scripture teaches that children are a blessing and perhaps you should consider accepting the blessings that God will give you.” It wasn’t a big, logical, fully thought out argument. It was a last minute, oh-I-should-probably-mention-this, statement. God had been preparing both Mark and me for years to hear that comment, and God used those words to change a desire for a large family into a conviction that God had called us to this.
The second example, wasn’t really a conversation at all. My husband Mark used to manage a store where they received daily deliveries from FedEx. The FedEx guy and the store employees shared friendly greetings. Over time, the FedEx guy (I don’t know his name) learned that Mark had several children. (It was probably 5 or 6 children at the time.) One day he asked Mark why he had so many kids and Mark’s response was that we believed that children are blessings from God and are happy to receive as many blessings that God chooses to send. End of conversation.
Fast forward several months and the FedEx guy comes into Mark’s store and says, “I just wanted to tell you that there will be another child in this world because of you.” He then related how God used Mark’s comment about the blessing of children to speak to his heart. He went home and spoke with his wife and they decided that they were willing to accept another blessing from God. She went off birth control and they had just found out that they were expecting.
In both of these situations God used words that the speaker had not put a lot of thought into, words that after they were said were forgotten by the speaker, but those words prompted thought and action on the part of the hearer. Do not underestimate God’s power to use our words, yes, even our feeble, weak, illogical words to bring about His glory and to demonstrate His power.
If we call ourselves Christians then all of our words tell others something about Christ. Sure we will fail, but even in our failures we can communicate Christ to others by confessing and turning from our sin. Are you using your words to build up Christ’s church?
Lord have mercy on us.
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Hi Kimberly- I don’t know if you like to “do” the blog awards, but I just love your honesty and thought you would be perfect for this award! Come visit me and see what you’ve won! http://www.zachsgang.blogspot.com
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Raising Olives Reply:
October 27th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
Thanks Jenny!
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AMEN!!! Thank you for this wonderful post!
XoxoGapGirl
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What a beautiful way to share! I have been receiving a lot of looks and comments lately.
I love your blog so much Kimberly. I could seriously get lost in it for hours. I have had on several occasions multiple pages up from your blog learning about being a better mother, organization tips (which I LOVE), inspiration.
Thanks for what you do.
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Raising Olives Reply:
October 27th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Thanks for your encouragement. I hope that you are feeling better and enjoying those babies!!!!!!! I’m not jealous, nope not me.
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well said.
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Thank you for this post. I’ve been feeling a little discouraged lately by all the negative, critical comments on Facebook and other blogs. I just don’t understand why people are so mean online. Ephesians 4:32 keeps running through my mind.
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Raising Olives Reply:
October 27th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
I think that people like the seeming anonymity of being online and think less about the consequences of what they say.
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Thank you so much for these encouraging words, Kimberly!
“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”
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This is so true, Kimberly! Reminds me of the little saying I’ve heard, “Make your words sweet, for you may have to eat them.”
We, too, always mention that God calls children blessings, and who would want to turn down more blessings from God?
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Thank you so much for this reminder. Makes me remember Grandma’s stand by statement “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.”
Btw, I think it’s lovely that you have so many blessings
Stumbled on your blog from the Inadvertent Farmer’s blog.
Peace,
Deb
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It always makes me cringe when I hear comments like that. How do you tell someone that you actually enjoy ALL of your children without making them feel guilty for not? I can’t imagine spending every day so frustrated with my children that it would stop me from having another. It seems to sad to me. But how do you say that sweetly? Of course I would omit the last bit. I really do enjoy my precious blessings so much I just can’t imagine how some people don’t.
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Raising Olives Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Yes, it is sad. Most of the time, I do not think that people think about the connotations of what they are saying.
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Unfortunately, we cannot have any more children because I lacked faith and convinced my husband to have a vasectomy. If I could turn back time, I would! But now I share my convictions with others, and one of my friends has decided to trust God and have another child, despite her reservations. Our words can break down, or they can build up.
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Raising Olives Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Grace and peace to you Jenn V. God uses EVERYTHING for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
It’s funny, but I did not intend for this post to be about having children. It just so happens that my two examples center on that. I really desire that Christians would think about every word they say being a reflection on Christ’s name. I think that our world would be a much more lovely place!
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Please also realize how thoughtless words hurt those who do not have these blessings of children but have other blessings and love those blessings. My husband and I have not decided at this time to have children and are often hurt by those that speak unkind words to us because we are blessed by God in ways other than children. I particularly am looked down upon because of not choosing the path of motherhood. I love my friends that have chosen to become mothers….and I love their children.
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Raising Olives Reply:
October 31st, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Thoughtless words can be very damaging and hurtful to people. I believe that is one of the reasons that the Bible has so much to say on what we should say.
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that was so beautiful! i love this post!
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