I realize that I haven’t posted much about this pregnancy and there are a few reasons for that.
One is that my pregnancies are fairly typical. I generally experience between 16-24 weeks of morning sickness and exhaustion followed by a time of relative energy and then head into the last trimester with the normal discomforts that any pregnant woman experiences carrying a growing baby inside. Then the last month or so of the pregnancy, I cry. A lot.
Another reason is that I don’t wish to complain when over the last several months I’ve had some very good friends who have experienced losses that I can’t imagine, both through infant deaths and miscarriages. In light of that it somehow seems petty to talk about the trials of pregnancy. I know that they wish that they could be doing what I’m doing right now.
I also realize that since this is my tenth pregnancy, there are probably many out there who have no sympathy. I understand the, “She brought it on herself” mentality. That issue, however, is much bigger than this little struggle. Mark and I did not choose to accept the children that God would send us because it was the easy choice, but because we believe it to be the right one and simply because we struggle and sometimes stumble, it doesn’t mean that we’ve chosen foolishly.
All of that said, I’m going to talk a little bit about pregnancy and the struggle and sacrifice that it can be. I want to talk about it because I want you to know that I’m real, I’m not perfect (or even close) and I want to encourage others that they are not alone in the struggle. It’s interesting that often people assume that I have easy pregnancies and births, since we are expecting our 10th child. Neither of these things are true. I would say that my pregnancies are average to difficult and that my labors and births certainly fall on the difficult side of the spectrum. 🙂
Perhaps the most frustrating thing for me is how little I’m able to accomplish during pregnancy. I want to do all of the fun things with the kids. I want to plan and execute fun, hands-on activities, prepare nice, beautiful meals, be hospitable, accomplish neat do-it-yourself home decorating projects and make sure that Mark is able to relax once he gets home each evening. These things do not happen consistently while I’m pregnant.
Read the above paragraph again, “I want”, “I want”, “I want”. It all boils down to selfishness. I want to feel good, have energy and do what I want to do. Obviously accepting what God has planned for me and doing it cheerfully didn’t make that list.
However there is hope,
the woman being beguiled hath fallen into transgression: but she shall be saved through her child-bearing, if they continue in faith and love and sanctification with sobriety.
How much of that selfishness, how much of that ugliness is worn off, slowly, sometimes very slowly over years of pregnancy, getting up at night, caring for sick kids and pouring your life into the children that God has given? Here I am walking through my tenth pregnancy and I still struggle with cheerfully accepting God’s perfect plan for my life, but can you imagine what I would be like if I hadn’t had this much practice?
Children are a blessing in many more ways than we consider, even before her birth this little girl is helping me to learn patience and contentment. Thank you Lord for allowing me to be a mother.
You may wish to read Rejoicing in Morning Sickness.