Immodesty, Homeschooling Decision,Teeth, Quiverfull Movement: More Q&A

 More questions and answers from FB today.

Lisa asked, “How’s your recovery coming from the c-section?

Thanks for asking. I’m feeling well. About a week and a half post surgery, I began to feel more like myself with renewed energy and no more aches, stiffness, etc.

I made a huge mistake of thinking that, since I felt terrific,  the “No lifting anything more than 1o pounds” was a silly limitation and lifted something significantly more than 10 pounds (probably well over 50). Please let me remind anyone who is going to have a c-section, that those rules are in place for a purpose and it’s good to follow them, even if you feel completely normal.

As I was recovering from surgery, I was reminded of God’s grace even in the midst of His curse. Eve’s curse was pain in childbearing, but in the normal course of child bearing the pain stops the moment the child is born. What an amazing grace and mercy!

Sarah wondered, “What do you do for kids losing their teeth? Anything special?

We give each child a dollar per tooth. Not the cheap way, but since we don’t do any type of allowance system, this is often the child’s first money of their own and it’s fun to watch them save for something special and wait anxiously for their teeth to fall out so they can afford their ‘dream’ toy. (They also get money from some relatives for their birthday, so they aren’t saving until their molars begin to fall out.)

Nicole said, “I would REALLY like to know if you have ever second guessed your decision to homeschool. Have you always been confident in your decision, or were there ever times where you thought of sending the kids to school?

There was one time when I wanted to send the children off to school (imagine all the time I’d have to myself…..), but since I was homeschooled as a child and was able to see the life changing benefits that brought to our family (and before homeschooling I was in a terrific, small Christian school, so we’re not talking about a change from the public schools), it’s never been a serious consideration.

I also think that it was a benefit for me to move from being homeschooled to attending college. I honestly couldn’t believe how simple the courses were (and before I went I would have said that my high school homeschooling program had been too easy). That experience has given me tremendous confidence in preparing our children for that transition.

I’ve always loved homeschooling the children. My suspicion is that many people who struggle with homeschooling have lost sight of the purpose, to raise children who love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength. They get caught up in the requirements, the academics, the curriculum, the textbooks and what everyone else is doing.  In my opinion, this isn’t what it should be all about. It should be about living side by side with your children, teaching them every day to love God and love others and enjoying life in the place and with the people that God has blessed you with.

Carol asked, “When your third baby was born, did you find it easier than when the second came along or was it harder because as parents you were outnumbered ( we are expecting our third next week via c-section and we will have three under three)?

We thought that it was harder as we added each child up to #4. I think this is more a function of the age of the children, rather than mom and dad being outnumbered. If you’ve been diligent to train your children, you should be able to expect them to obey and shouldn’t need to rely on a hands-on approach, so children outnumbering parents shouldn’t be a factor.

Our fourth was born when our oldest was still 3 years and that was the most challenging time. By the time our 5th was born our oldest was 5 and that seemed to be the tipping point. It didn’t get any harder because the 5 year old was able to help enough to balance out the new demands of another baby.

Mandie asked, “I was wondering in your years of having children were you trying to have children as in the quiver full movement ? Of do you leave it in the Lords hands and have just been do blessed?

I think that I may be getting terms mixed up. I would call ourselves “quiver full”, but I would define that as leaving our fertility in God’s hands and being content with the blessings that He sends whether it’s one child or twenty children. (Is that not what the generally accepted definition of the term means? I’d love to hear what you think the term “quiver full” means.)

I have heard of people who do this (i.e. wean the baby early so fertility returns, time things in order to conceive, etc.) and honestly, I don’t like that anymore than I ‘like’ the decision to cut off the possibility of anymore children.

Our thoughts on this are, God says that children are a blessing and we want to joyfully accept any blessings that He chooses to send. That said, He is the one who opens and closes the womb and because we recognize that He is sovereign, we don’t try to manipulate His timing or number.

I’m particularly bothered by those who wean babies early for the express purpose of trying to conceive. I believe that breastfeeding is part of God’s perfect plan for babies (just read the Bible and all the positive references to breast feeding) and that limiting a child’s access to the perfect food and the comfort that breastfeeding provides is, well, I just don’t like that idea at all. (Please note that I’m not talking about those who are unable to breastfeed!)

All of that said, I don’t believe that desiring and praying for more children is wrong (as long as you’re content with what you’ve been given). I don’t believe it’s any different than praying for any of God’s blessings (a new house, a better job, good health, etc.).

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13 Responses to Immodesty, Homeschooling Decision,Teeth, Quiverfull Movement: More Q&A
  1. Blair @ The Straightened Path
    September 11, 2012 | 12:27 pm

    Great post Kimberly! I’m so glad your recovery is going well too.

    [Reply]

  2. Crafty Mama
    September 11, 2012 | 12:59 pm

    I agree; I think people who go to extreme measures to be “quiverfull” are just the same as those who go to extreme measures to avoid having children. Ironic, isn’t it? In both situations, they are trying to take things into their own hands without trusting God for His best in their lives.

    And, umm, it’s very likely I am just being blind today, but I didn’t notice anything in this post about immodesty. It’s very likely just me, though. ;)

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  3. jayme @ No Regrets Living
    September 11, 2012 | 1:40 pm

    Follow up question to Mandie’s:
    “How should a couple act who do want to have more children if they don’t want to thwart God’s timing?”
    Here’s the background for the question:
    Me: 33 years old. Married 2 years. Have 1 son – age 4 months old.
    Me & Husband: Want more children. Deep down, want as many as God will send us. In reality: want many and hope that God’s answer isn’t “1”.

    Is it wrong (or maybe distrustful?) to chart temperatures, determine the fertile window, ‘time things correctly’ in order to conceive? Would it be wrong to seek medical help to conceive if, as an example, I found out I wasn’t ovulating and were desiring to fix that? (I’m not talking about in vitro or anything more extreme than ‘Is there a medical reason that I’m not ovulating’?) Assuming that all is done with an awareness that, at the end of the day, God does open and close the womb?

    To me, I don’t see that as too much different than a woman who has repeated miscarriages seeking to determine the cause in order to prevent miscarriages – like bedrest or even medication to help hormone levels.

    Ultimately, the decision is between us and God. Before Him we will be accountable for our choices, but I am curious about the reasoning why it is manipulative of God to seek after pregnancies.

    [Reply]

    abba12 Reply:

    Prayer is the most important thing here. We live in a fallen world, things cannot be perfect, and we have to do our best within that.

    I do not use the term quiverful because of the negative connotations and the well known ‘quiverful’ families who try to have as many kids as possible. But I hope for a large family and want to be open to Gods blessings. Having said that, I have broken the ‘rules’ repeatedly and many quiverful people will probably disagree with my decisions, but they have been made after much prayer and consideration, and that is the most important thing.

    I had a medical condition that meant actual penetrative intercourse was impossible for me before my first baby. I was seeking treatment and making slow but steady progress in fixing it. However, there was a good chance that giving birth would actually help correct the issue (vulvodynia) and after a year of marriage, we wanted a baby. Pregnancy, obviously, can occur without penetration if the sperm enters, so we chose, after prayer, to do things which allowed this to be possible. The chances of conceiving were still lower than normal, but it made it possible, and God decided to bless us with a child. We would not have considered IVF etc, since it basically forces a pregnancy to happen, but we did make the opportunity to conceive greater.

    My first pregnancy was bad, I was very ill and my body needed time to recover. I was still suffering issues related to the pregnancy 3 months later. However, partially because of the bad pregnancy, I was unable to breastfeed, so my cycles returned at 2 months. If I became pregnant again two months after my first it literally could have killed me, I would not have been able to care for my infant, and it may well have harmed or killed the baby conceived because my body was so weak and drained. My husband and I looked at what Gods perfect plan for our bodies is (That I would breastfeed and be infertile for a period of time, generally at least 6 months). With much prayer we decided to use condoms until I was 6 months post-pregnancy, the time a normal woman’s fertility would begin to return. Condoms are not 100% and we were not completely diligent, knowing that we did not want to completely prevent pregnancy, just make it less likely. The first month of not preventing pregnancy I conceived, and miscarried. I strongly believe this was because my body was still too weak. We did not prevent anything but it took another 6 months before we conceived again. I’m now in the last couple of weeks of that pregnancy.

    I can see how some people would say these things show that we do not trust God, but I do not believe our trust of God should be an inactive one. I think there’s three important factors to note.
    1. In each case we did not force anything, we made things more or less likely, but we never prevented or forced the outcome. God had the final say.
    2. In each case, we were working towards the natural functions of a body allowed to work normally or ‘perfectly’. Both situations were caused by my body acting in a way that it should not have been, due to our imperfect world. I was not trying to take away a natural function, but assist a normally natural function. Our decisions brought my body more in line with the natural order of things, with ‘normal’.
    3. We prayed, we asked for Gods guidance, and then we acted on it. Ever heard the story of a woman stuck on a roof during a flood? Two boats and a helicopter came to save her, and she said ‘no, I trust God to save me!’. When she died she asked God why he didn’t save her, and he told her he tried, he sent two boats and a helicopter! I think sometimes, especially when it comes to children, we just wait for God to do something, and forget that it is not wrong to act towards whatever God is leading us to. We don’t say ‘God I trust you with my finances’ then decide not to work, because working would ensure that we bring home money. We don’t say ‘God I trust you with my children’s hearts’ and then do nothing to work on their hearts for God. So why do we say ‘God I trust you with my fertility’ then believe we should do absolutely nothing relating to it ever?

    This is just my take on things and I know it won’t be popular among everyone, but it’s how I see it and I hope it helps you in seeking Gods guidance for your family

    [Reply]

  4. Danielle
    September 11, 2012 | 1:55 pm

    Jayme,
    J

    [Reply]

  5. Laura
    September 11, 2012 | 2:20 pm

    I’ve got a question!!

    Do you have any tips for helping a new baby sleep through the night?

    [Reply]

  6. Ruth
    September 11, 2012 | 3:08 pm

    I made the difficult decision to wean my 15 month daughter so that I could start fertility drugs to conceive again, since the drugs are contraindicated while breastfeeding. I am infertile, and had to take drugs to conceive my daughter. Unlike you and my mother and many other women, my children will never wean due to pregnancy hormones changing the composition of my milk. I waited until my daughter was able to consume a variety of foods and then I continued to offer her plenty of snuggle time and nutritious food while trying to give her a sibling. During my painful circumstances, I tried to find a solution filled with love.

    [Reply]

    Laura Reply:

    I say… way to go for breast feeding 15 months! Great job! And I completely understand what you mean about wanting to start back on the fertility meds as someone who has gone through that myself.

    [Reply]

  7. Renata
    September 12, 2012 | 6:15 pm

    Loved this post Kimberley & I’m so glad to hear that your recovery is going well. Thanks for the homeschooling answer ( & question who ever wrote it). I think I’ve found myself so bogged down in the academics as of late that I’ve lost my focus on why we are really doing this. I need to go back to our primary reasons & refocus ( we are coming to the end of our year so it’s work, work, work at the moment for us). I would term us a ‘quiverful family’ even though we only have 4 children at the moment. We are open to as many as the Lord would have us have & would love, love, love more. I agree with your terminology.
    Have a wonderful day
    Blessings
    Renata:)

    [Reply]

  8. Kelsey
    September 13, 2012 | 10:02 pm

    How do you deal with disciplining your younger kids (12months-3 years)? I have a one year old and one due in December and I am so clueless as to discipline tactics :)

    [Reply]

  9. deirdre
    September 15, 2012 | 3:43 pm

    Interesting about those who wean to try to have as many babies as possible. I know many QF families and none are like this although I am sure someone somewhere tries this. So unfair to the baby. My rhetorical question is… can one force God’s hand? If he is the creator of life, then he is the one who makes all babies. You can wean and plan things, but nothing will happen if doesn’t ordain it.
    I pray to be blessed with more babies and to be content if he never sends more. The point is that his plans be accomplished, not mine. It is all about him and not about me.

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  10. deirdre
    September 15, 2012 | 10:09 pm

    I pray that we will be blessed with more babies and that I will be content with the ones I have if God is done adding to our family….. because I am hoping he is not. The less talked about side of being QF is trusting God not only in times of plentiful births, but in times of barrenness. We have been QF for 16 yrs and have 3 birth kids and 2 adopted kids.

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  11. Annie
    September 19, 2012 | 8:20 am

    I am embarking on homeschooling my own children. This is our first full year of homeschooling. Before this, my children either went to private or public schools and I was a teacher. God led me to realize that the education they were getting, although academically very good, was not what he had in mind for us. I, too, believe that the academic education they receive is not as important as learning and becoming strong in their Faith. It is difficult at times to homeschool when there are babies around who require attention and looking after, but I am developing a stronger relationship with them and they with both my husband and me.
    Thank you very much for your website. It is definitely inspiring.

    [Reply]

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