Pregnancy #12: Update

The Lord gives and The Lord takes away, blessed be the name of The Lord.

We found out Friday that our twelfth child, no longer had a beating heart. We rejoice that he/she is now in the presence of God, how amazingly blessed we truly are. Although we are sad for ourselves, we rejoice in His love, mercy and goodness in granting us 11 weeks with this precious life.

But this I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.  ~Lamentations 3:21-23

We are grieving, but there is joy in the midst of our grief. Dancing and mourning intermingled. It feels a bit schizophrenic actually.

Bella gingerbread house

Bella (3)

This pregnancy I had strong aversions and cravings.

I had a huge aversion to bacon. The smell of bacon, the taste of bacon, even thinking about bacon made me nauseous. Also, I did not want anything sweet, not even my all time favorite the chocolate chip peppermint milkshake from Chick-fil-A. This was a bit of a tragedy as this is the only time of year it is offered and I knew I was missing out on some serious awesomeness!

On the other hand I craved peanut ginger sauce constantly.  I’m not actually sure that I’d ever had peanut ginger sauce before this pregnancy, but it was the only thing that sounded good and I wanted it constantly. Nearly every breakfast was a chicken breast smothered in peanut ginger sauce. I dipped carrot sticks in peanut ginger sauce and the only reason I didn’t smother my eggs in peanut ginger sauce was because my kids said that was just way too strange.

I wanted to thank you for all of your prayers, words of encouragement, Facebook notes, and encouraging stories. I’m amazed at how helpful and encouraging it is when the body of Christ bears each other’s burdens. There is a lightening of the load, an encouragement, and an amazing joy and peace in seeing the goodness of God work itself out through His body here on earth.

decorating gingerbread houses

We’ve spent the past several days enjoying our children and spending lots of time together celebrating, making gingerbread graham cracker houses, reading Christmas books, singing songs, snuggling and watching “The Grinch that Stole Christmas”.

colby gingerbread house

Colby (7)

In some ways, I see such beauty in this whole process. I’m glad that this pregnancy is not just over, but that there is a time of physical and emotional cleansing and healing.

I want that. I need that.

God is good and I’m thankful for loving friends, healing tears, sweet children (every time I start to cry Nick says, “Awww, mommy needs some snuggles.”) and God’s grace.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~Jeremiah 29:11

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49 Responses to Pregnancy #12: Update
  1. Connie Sue
    December 9, 2013 | 12:18 pm

    I’m sorry for your loss. I take comfort in the knowledge of our God’s covenant promise to be the God to the children of believers. And am looking forward to the day when we shall meet face to face. (I find it amazing that we will recognize them.) Christmas blessings to you and yours.

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  2. Tabitha
    December 9, 2013 | 12:34 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for y’all as you grieve.

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  3. Erin
    December 9, 2013 | 12:36 pm

    So sorry for your loss. I’ve had 2 of my own. My pastor told me something that gave me such peace- he said that first time my babies opened their eyes they didn’t see their mother, but instead they saw Jesus. How sad for us to not meet our babies here on Earth, but how awesome for them to open their eyes for the first time to see Jesus! Hugs and prayers for you and your family.

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  4. Carolyn Bassett
    December 9, 2013 | 12:37 pm

    I’m sorry. I know your heart is hurting. Losing a pregnancy is painful. Praying for all of you.

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  5. Heather
    December 9, 2013 | 1:05 pm

    Love and prayers; especially for comfort, physical and spiritual.
    This summer, we lost our 5th baby at 14 weeks. I had known so many people that had dealt with losses, and while my heart always broke for them, I felt personally immune, in retrospect. I was shocked, devastated, you name it. I definitely hit a spiritual and physical rock bottom…..but the beauty of how God uses that !
    There were weeks when I could never imagine not feeling so sad, ever again, but I pray that you will have the same kind of joy that I’ve had since. My oldest daughter (who turned 7 the day after we found the baby had passed) said “wow, our baby will never even have to cry, because she’s with Jesus.” What a precious thought, and I’m so grateful for how God has used this to draw me nearer to him; I pray the same for you.

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  6. Rivkah
    December 9, 2013 | 1:34 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I have had 8 miscarriages and I know the devastation and sorrow each one brings. Thank the Lord that we know we will see our little ones again. I’m praying for you and your family during this difficult time.

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  7. Amber
    December 9, 2013 | 1:52 pm

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. It sounds like you and your family are grieving beautifully. May The Lord continue to draw near to you as you continue to draw near to Him.

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  8. Bambi @ In the Nursery of the Nation
    December 9, 2013 | 2:01 pm

    (((Hugs)))) Love you bunches. Always spreading light, even in your own trials. God is good and you always display His grace.

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  9. Michele @ Family, Faith and Fridays
    December 9, 2013 | 2:28 pm

    Oh bless you! I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs for you and your whole family during this time of loss and healing. May the Lord continue to give you comfort!

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  10. Susan
    December 9, 2013 | 3:57 pm

    I am praying for you as you deal with your loss! We had our 3rd miscarriage in October, after we lost mymother-in-law just a few weeks earlier (we have 3 children as well). I know all to well the roller coaster of emotions. I pray God gives you the peace and comfort only He can provide!

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  11. Cheryl
    December 9, 2013 | 4:11 pm

    We just had our 5th baby, a boy. But I was carrying twins & the doctor said the other twin’s heart stopped beating probably around 5 weeks. I am so grateful to have a healthy baby boy, but it is bittersweet, too, to look at him and know there was one other like him that is not here to hold. I am sorry for your loss, but I know we both find comfort knowing another eternal soul is with the Lord.
    On a completely different note, could you please share how you make the frosting/glue for the graham cracker houses? The kids want to do that, and the kits at the store are so expensive, so I would love a homemade recipe!
    Still praying for your family…

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    Nicole Reply:

    This is a little late in response to your icing question..but the icing I just made for sugar cookies hardens pretty well so I’ll share my recipe with you.
    Put 1 stick of softened butter in the bottom of a bowl smush it down with a fork
    Add 1 cup at a time: 4 cups in all of powdered sugar to the bowl with an electric mixer
    Add 4 tbsp. of milk 1 at a time
    Add 1 tsp. vanilla
    Hope this helps :)

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  12. Hannah
    December 9, 2013 | 4:55 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage right before Christmas two years ago. It was a difficult yet redemptive time. May God wrap His arms around you as you all grieve and look forward to heaven just that much more. Love from Wyoming.

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  13. Courtney
    December 9, 2013 | 5:04 pm

    So sorry to hear that!Sending love and prayers to you and your family!

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  14. Mrs. White
    December 9, 2013 | 5:18 pm

    Thank you so much for the update. Thank you for the beautiful pictures and the sweet Biblical wisdom you share!

    So sorry for your loss!
    May God comfort you and bless you and your family!

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  15. Molly Plumb
    December 9, 2013 | 5:20 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. I have lost 5 babies in utero in just under 4 years. We do have 2 children here on Earth with us. It is so hard to lose a child. There are so many emotions to sort through. I cannot pretend to offer wisdom or answer the nagging question of why. I can assure you that somehow, in time, you will see God’s hand work this for good. I know that can sound trite in the moment. For now, keep your eyes and heart focused on God. Know he loves you, your family, your baby, His new child. Rest in the assurance that you ARE NOT alone. God is with you.

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  16. Kathy
    December 9, 2013 | 5:21 pm

    I am so sorry that you will not have the physical joy of loving and caring for your precious little one. As for the “loss” of your baby – he or she is truly not lost, but has gone ahead of you and will patiently wait for you only to be reunited someday.

    God bless you!

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  17. jacquie
    December 9, 2013 | 5:34 pm

    So sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and your family. How sweet that your little guy is so willing to make you feel better!

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  18. Sue
    December 9, 2013 | 5:39 pm

    Praying for your comfort and healing and that God will graciously use you in the future to comfort others with the comfort wherewith you have been comforted.

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  19. Vi
    December 10, 2013 | 7:24 am

    I am so very sorry for your loss. May God comfort you!

    I don’t know if this would be of any use to you, but this site has a lot of resources about the miscarriage process etc. and is written from a Christian perspective. http://lostinnocentsorthodox.blogspot.com/

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  20. Annie
    December 10, 2013 | 9:32 am

    Praying for you during this time. The Lord knows exactly how to lead you and your family through this time. Praying for much grace, strength and hope as you live each moment. Praise God for the hope of eternal life we have in Him. Praise God.
    Thank you for updating us.
    Annie in CA

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  21. Becky B
    December 10, 2013 | 9:52 am

    I am so sorry. Praying for you and your family.

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  22. Jennifer
    December 10, 2013 | 9:53 am

    So sorry for your loss :(

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  23. Sheila Mom to Seven
    December 10, 2013 | 10:24 am

    I’m truly sorry for your loss. We experienced two losses in a row, before our sixth child was born. Grief mixed with peace.
    Praying for you this day.

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  24. Leslie
    December 10, 2013 | 10:35 am

    Kimberly,
    I am so sorry for your family’s loss. You all will be in my prayers.

    Dear Heavenly Father, May Kimberly, Mark and the children be surrounded by Your peace and love during this healing period. May they take comfort in knowing that their precious baby is with You, our Heavenly Dad and that they will one day see their child. I pray that many brothers and sisters will come alongside them with prayers and offerings; and provide for any needs they have. We love you Father and thank you for all of Your blessings.
    Amen.

    Please let me know if there is anything else I can do for you or your family.
    Much love in Christ,
    Leslie

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  25. Natalie
    December 10, 2013 | 10:41 am

    So sorry, Kimberly. Praying for you all. Thank you for the update. Sending you a big hug, Natalie

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  26. Annie
    December 10, 2013 | 10:42 am

    We are so sorry to hear this, what a tragic loss. Every tiny little life is so precious. We will continue to lift you up in prayer, for our Father to show you mercy and even joy in this tremendous loss. Your precious baby is in the arms of our sweet Jesus, never knowing the hardness that is this life. I praise Him for taking such amazing care of our children, here and in heaven. God be with you, we are praying!

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  27. Lisa
    December 10, 2013 | 12:43 pm

    I’m really sorry for your loss. I had been praying for your baby. I know it hurts to lose a child. Hurts us that is – it is glorious for them to get to be with Jesus so quickly. Allow yourself to grieve when you need to. God will remain faithful.

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  28. Jacqueline
    December 10, 2013 | 12:50 pm

    So sorry for your loss. I was praying too, but God’s ways were different. Wishing you His comfort during this difficult time!

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  29. Linda
    December 10, 2013 | 8:40 pm

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
    My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.
    Linda

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  30. Family Snodgrass
    December 10, 2013 | 9:09 pm

    I’m so sorry that you won’t meet your baby here on earth. I know that pain. I am so glad you can rejoice in his being with the Lord.

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  31. Holly
    December 10, 2013 | 10:08 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

    After two years of infertility I miscarried a much-longed for baby. I was devastated. That month between Thanksgiving and Christmas seemed like an eternity as everyone around me was thankful and full of joy and I was without hope.

    I did eventually learn to enjoy the seasons that followed and rejoiced in my Savior…and learned to look for the good things about being childless…but it has been especially wonderful to enjoy the children that began coming four years after Brian beat us to heaven.

    I pray that you will continue to find hope in Christ who does indeed give us a “future and a hope.”

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  32. Laura
    December 10, 2013 | 10:35 pm

    I am so sorry. This time can be hard and trying. Its such a bittersweet thing. So sweet as our babies will meet Jesus, they finished the race. The wait to meet them is what makes the whole thing bitter. In October I lost my baby, I was 10 weeks along with my 4th child (5th pregnancy, have lost 2 now). I had to have a D&C to have the baby removed from me. The emotional, physical and spiritual healing has all happened at different rates. I am thankful for a God that never leaves my side and can handle all my questions. I will be praying for your continued healing and for your family.

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  33. Chelley
    December 11, 2013 | 1:21 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I have had two miscarriages this year, and I have blogged often about how joy and grief are so fused and intertwined together. It’s one of the many, many things that going through loss has taught me.

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  34. Annie
    December 11, 2013 | 6:06 am

    Kimberly, I am very, very sorry for your loss. I will continue to pray for you and your family.

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  35. Heidi (Dearly Loved Mist)
    December 11, 2013 | 5:15 pm

    So so sorry for your loss.

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  36. Jaelle
    December 11, 2013 | 8:48 pm

    I will be praying for you and your family. This is so sad, and I cannot imagine this is easy during the Christmas season. The book of James reminds us that a true blessing is a test that makes us stronger in our faith….and yet often these blessings are the greatest challenges in our lives. Your blog has been a true inspiration for me and my family and I truly hope that the Lord continues to strengthen you and your family through this. His name is made great amidst our weaknesses.
    With much love and prayer,
    Jaelle

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  37. Alice Williams
    December 13, 2013 | 1:44 pm

    Kimberly,
    I know that I don’t comment here very often, but I have been inspired by your family and your desire to center your lives around God’s Word. I am so sorry that you have lost your precious child, but happy for you that you will be able to raise him in Heaven. We are praying for you and your family.
    Love,
    Alice Williams

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  38. Twisted Cinderella
    December 16, 2013 | 2:15 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss.

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  39. Fruitful Harvest
    December 17, 2013 | 12:54 pm

    My prayers to you ole blog friend. I am sorry to hear the news of your loss. It heartbreaking.

    Peace+
    Georgiann

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  40. Melanie
    December 20, 2013 | 11:04 am

    Bless you. You might be encouraged by the ebook: Miscarriage: A Work Done Unto The Lord available from http://www.homeschoolhowtos.com/store/miscarriage.

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  41. Jennifer
    December 23, 2013 | 10:57 am

    I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your dear little one. Hugs.

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  42. Leslie B
    January 7, 2014 | 8:30 pm

    Kimberly I have to tell you how greatly encouraging this post was to me… but I didn’t know how encouraging it would be the first time I read it. Just about a week after you posted, we lost our 19wk little one to a cord accident. We delivered him a couple days before Christmas and we had the same same mixed joy feeling. So sorry for your loss and we’re also grateful to have a Hope that can not be shaken. Praise God for his kindnesses even through mourning…

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  43. Kate B
    January 10, 2014 | 6:49 am

    Dear Kimberley,
    I am so sorry to hear that your precious little bubbie has died. I pray that you will know God’s comfort for all your family as you grieve. We have eight children here on earth, and four that have gone ahead of us to heaven, due to stillbirth and miscarriage. I don’t know whether you have named your baby, but certainly for us that was helpful. Even if you don’t know for sure whether it was a boy or a girl, there are names suitable for either. Our twelfth child, who was a miscarriage, we named Blessing, both to remind us, and to declare that his life truly was a blessing, and that the impact of that life continues both here and in heaven. I think it also helps the children to refer to them by name, rather than “the baby”. My heartfelt prayers and love to you all, Kate

    [Reply]

    Kimberly @ Raising Olives Reply:

    Hi Kate.

    Thank you for your words of encouragement.

    Yes, we did name our baby. His/her name is Blessed Hope, very similar to your baby Blessing. It was important to me to give our child a name, to have some simple rememberences of his/her life and to have permission to grieve this tiny person that we knew, even though we never had an opportunity to hold in our arms.

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  44. Kate B
    January 15, 2014 | 7:22 am

    Dear Kimberley,

    What a beautiful name, thank you for sharing that with me. And it is also a statement of truth, that there is so much more to life than our moments on earth, that our little ones have an eternal destiny, that gives us hope even in grief. I know too that just by coming, by being here, for however short a time, the impact of their life remains with us, in our heart every day, and changes us forever. Our hearts don’t measure the value of a life by the length of days. Thanks be to God for the precious gift of Blessed Hope, loved and treasured little baby.

    Other little remembrances I have found helpful have been to choose a special flower, one that is in bloom at the time of their birth, and a colour, usually when I am pregnant I get stuck on a particular colour, a song, a scripture, even a perfume. We had already started this with our first, and have done it for each of them. May God hold you close to His heart and comfort you. Love, Kate

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  45. Cynthia
    February 4, 2014 | 8:33 pm

    Dear Kimberly and family,
    I miss your “presence” and think of you daily. I’m a mom from MN who has followed your amazing blog for a year and have been so blessed by your wisdom and experience. I’m so very sorry about the loss of your sweet baby. We experienced our first miscarriage (9th child) and were completely unprepared for the intense range of emotions that followed. I don’t mean to intrude on this personal and painful time, but I just wanted to you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!
    Blessings to you all!

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  46. shirley
    February 21, 2014 | 7:32 pm

    I am looking for a knitting pattern.The pattern is a whale-of-a-tale hat for kids.
    Do anyone have one that they would like to e-mail to me.THANKS

    [Reply]

  47. Alice Campbell
    March 4, 2014 | 2:29 am

    Ohh bless you…but this time you have to care more and thanks for that you have to share with us.

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